Wes pointed out to me today that The Onion has successfully predicted the future on several occaisions. This week, they nailed the 5-bladed razor coming to market. The real gem, though was January 2001 article entitled "Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'".
Excerpt:
Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.
During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.
[...]
Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge's coastal plain to oil drilling.
[...]
"For years, I tirelessly preached the message that Clinton must be stopped," conservative talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh said. "And yet, in 1996, the American public failed to heed my urgent warnings, re-electing Clinton despite the fact that the nation was prosperous and at peace under his regime. But now, thank God, that's all done with. Once again, we will enjoy mounting debt, jingoism, nuclear paranoia, mass deficit, and a massive military build-up."
[...]
"You have no idea what it's like to be black and enfranchised," said
Marlon Hastings, one of thousands of Miami-Dade County residents whose
votes were not counted in the 2000 presidential election. "George W.
Bush understands the pain of enfranchisement, and ever since Election
Day, he has fought tirelessly to make sure it never happens to my
people again."
Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.
"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this
nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between
the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left
to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax
breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we
must find an enemy and defeat it."
Think about it.
